Watch out for penguins!

Advice. It comes to us in all sorts of ways. From parents, teachers, advertisements, road signs, music, books. “Take a jersey”, “Don’t be a bloody idiot”, “Slow speed now”, "Don't stop believing" – you’ve heard it all before. 



If I could offer you only one tip for the future...

Sometimes, advice sticks with you forever. Or at least a song that’s full of advice will get stuck on repeat in your head for what seems like forever. Take, for example, “Everybody’s Free” – Baz Luhrmann’s chart-topping tune of the mid ‘90s: “If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.”

This particular gem has so far saved me from the painful effects of UV rays on the three days a year that Wellington gets sunshine. It's this exact piece of advice that would have helped my workmate Wesley avoid the large red triangle he is sporting on his forehead today. However, an anti-smoking video of the late Yul Brynner – one that my 4th form PE class was forced to watch many moons ago – has been the piece of advice that has stuck with me even more, and has no doubt added years to my life. The words Yul’s emphysema-ridden lungs manage to cough up have echoed in the heads of St Mary’s girls ever since: “Now that I’m gone, I tell you, don’t smoke. Whatever you do, just don’t smoke. Just. Don't. Smoke.”

The offending sun, glowing as red as Wes's forehead

Sound advice indeed, but I’ll save that lecture for another day.

I’ve received a great deal of other advice recently when discussing my impending travels with anyone who proffers an available ear (and anyone who doesn’t, according to my very Scottish pod-neighbour Kevin, who can now recite my itinerary word for word). Yesterday, my cousin Jeremy, who travelled to the Subcontinent earlier this year, texted: “Try not to say no to anything in India.” I take his word for it, and make a mental note to leave my Danger Ranger badge at home. My very well travelled friend Jane (who edited the book “Jandal Prints on the Globe”, a collection of Kiwi OE stories) helpfully offers the following, with regards to my new digital SLR: "If you’re taking photos on manual focus, remember to take a couple," she says, before adding "From experience on my last trip, ha!" - another most excellent tip. But the best piece of advice received to date has been offered by Clare, who's one of the four coming on the Base Camp trek: "Never stand down mountain of a yak." This also works for: "Never stand down mountain of someone having a yak."

The members of my immediate family, who haven’t travelled extensively and are less than adventurous, have offered a smorgasbord of advice lately, too. Dad, whose OE famously lasted 13 days ("I only missed one Saturday night in Wellington"), has been quick to warn me about the dangers of eating street food – or eating absolutely anything at all – in Asia. He's also positive that my drink will get spiked in Thailand, and recommends giving a wide berth to buckets and all refreshments. From my cautious Mum, who, to her credit, did live in London for some time and went on a “scary” trip to Russia, it’s mostly been “Ooooh, do be careful.” and “Oh gosh, are you sure you really want to do that [trek to Base Camp]?” Yes, Mum. Yes, I do. From my younger sister who tries to sabotage my savings so that her own are comparatively impressive, the advice has been to “definitely” buy the most expensive pack, and the highest quality clothing, pricey tramping boots and the best camera on the market. And “Why don't you just take more annual leave?”

It's important to note here that "a great deal of advice" does not equate to "great advice". While most of the hints I have received have been very well meaning (apart from the sister's, perhaps), unfortunately there’s a great deal of travel advice and information out there that just doesn’t stack up.

100 Cities - so far, so good

It’s only four days until D-Day, so this evening I decide to do some research about the cities we’re off to explore. Wikipedia is an obvious place to start, as is my 0.98kg Lonely Planet India guide. But first I open a large book called “100 Cities of the World” by Falko Brenner – something I picked up in a Whitcoull’s bargain bin for $5 one Fathers’ Day (Dad – I’m sure this wasn’t the only component of my gift. How are those socks working out for you?).

Before turning to Singapore and Bangkok, I flip through some of the other pages. I land on the very last page of the book, which happens to be none other than the World’s Coolest Little Capital™, Wellington City. A fine place to start my research, I decide. Like a true travel writer, I can note down some interesting titbits about my hometown and departure point, and then make comparisons to our destinations. “Wellington,” the book tells me, “is more than the political centre of the country.” So far so good. It’s only when I reach the next paragraph, that I understand why this book only cost me a crisp Ed Hillary. Under the heading ‘Watch out for penguins!’, it goes on to say that “Wellington is almost certainly the only capital city in the world where penguins freely roam the streets. This encourages visitors to walk alongside them.”

Penguins? Freely roaming the streets? Not last time I checked. Hang on – it could be a typo, I tell myself. Benefit of the doubt. Don’t judge a book by its talk of penguins, etcetera. I read on.

“The city centre is best experienced on foot. Visitors (and penguins) can wander through its shopping arcades, lovely cafes and, less happily, constant traffic.”

There it is in black and white, for a second time. Penguins. In Wellington. Are you for real, Mr Brenner? It's no wonder your book is now selling for $1.99 on the Barnes & Noble website.

In the words of Johnny Mac: You cannot be serious.

I come to the conclusion that this bogus travel book was written by someone who has clearly never visited the place. And so the age-old adage “Don’t believe everything you hear” rings true once again. I make a further mental note to myself to take everything I read over the next few months with a grain of salt, and to be as authentic as possible in my accounts of our travels.

Returning “100 Cities of the World” to the coffee table to claim its rightful role as a placemat and not a travel guide, I’m left with no option but to do a quick search on trusty Wikipedia to swot up on Singapore Airport and Bangkok ahead of Tuesday’s departure.

This second search proves much more fruitful (read: believable), and I learn that if we have more than five hours to spare at Singapore Airport, we could take a free city tour. “Even if stuck in the airport, there are plenty of ways to kill time.” Apparently Terminal 2 has an indoor garden, a music listening area with couches and mood lighting, a computer gaming room, a small movie theatre, paid massage services, and plenty of duty-free shops, while Terminal 1 has a swimming pool and jacuzzi, both open until 11pm daily. Excellent – sounds ideal, and (more importantly) factual. Something for everyone, and just the ticket for our stopover on the way to Bangkok.

Distrusted by uni lecturers the world over and an unacceptable reference source according to APA, Wikipedia – you complete me.